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ZANE•M•BLACK
"i am so smart. i am so smart.
S - M - A - T i mean...umm...S - M - A - R - T!"


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hey, i'm anita skeeter, daughter of the daily prophet writer. i'm just going to ask you a few questions. is it okay if i use the quick quotes quill?

OKAY, SO GIVE US THE BASICS !

"ER, HEY THERE. MY NAME'S ZANE BLACK BUT YOU CAN JUST CALL ME ZANE. I HAVE BEEN WREAKING HAVOC [LITERALLY] FOR 16 YEARS AND I DON'T PLAN ON STOPPING SOON. I'M A SIXTH YEAR AND LOVING IT. PEOPLE SAY I LOOK JUST LIKE ALEX PETTYFRE. I GRACED THIS WORLD WITH MY PRESENCE ON 4/4. SO YEAH, ARE WE DONE YET?

SORRY, NOT QUITE. SO WHAT ARE AND AREN'T YOU INTO ?

"alright, they say purebloods are all 'what is this muggle thing?', but i reckon their stuff is really awesome. i like this muggle thing called bmx. its like brooms on the ground with wheels. i like... girls, running around, snowball fights and annoying my friend, ash. i hate school, and those people who reckon slytherins are mean. im not that mean, people! well...maybe a little. but thats not the point. anyways, i also dont like being rejected. that hurts. nah, but its pretty stupid. oh. and i hate my middle name. if anybody calls me matthew they wont know whats hit them, but usually its my fist."

HOW ER... INTERESTING. EVER LOOKED INTO THE MIRROR OF ERISED ?

"yeah, it was awesome! i was lying in this hospital bed covered in bandages, but i had the latest version of the firebolt next to me, and there was a card that said 'great match last night, zane. quidditch will never be the same without you'. how cool is that? in a coma after a really awesome game of quidditch! maybe i was in the world cup!"

EVERYONE GETS SCARED SOMETIMES. WHAT'S YOUR BOGGART ?

"it was spinning around in a circle, then it turned out to be a freaking massive snake with two fangs the size of my arm...and it was on fire...people just kinda stood there. i bet they were afraid to say anything. "

EVEN YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME GOOD QUALITIES, RIGHT ?

"hmm...probably quidditch. i got in on my fourth year. i love playing seeker, it's really fun. at first i was gonna try for chaser, but i didn't get in, so i tried for seeker next year, and now im captain of the slytherin team! how awesome is that? yeah i know, pretty awesome. im good at the muggle broom thing, bmx, but i hurt myself a lot. but its not that far from the ground, so i dont break as many bones. im good at doing pranks, i tried making my own invented things, but it didn't work...anyway, im good at picking up girls. fun!"

AND IT'S QUITE OBVIOUS YOU HAVE YOUR BAD, HUH ?

"i kinda suck at schoolwork...except potions. thats fun. i know what to do to make them blow up. so basically, people dont think i'm smart. i hurt myself a lot. im usually covered in cuts and bruises. and i get angry pretty fast...as well. i guess. im really impatient, i get bored easily, and im always poking myself in the eyes. WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT?!"

MMM, IS THAT AMORTENTIA? WHAT DO YOU SMELL ?

"i smell...yum. mint chocolate and that smell you get when you walk into the great hall full of food...and sometimes that perfume that girls wear out on dates."

EVERYONE'S SPECIAL, EVEN YOU. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE ?

"alright. so i'm not the smartest person in the world. i don't listen, i don't try and the school's tried to make me repeat at least three times. but my folks won't let them. i can be smart if i try...but i don't. i love potions, though. its lots of fun. i enjoy that sorta stuff. you know, mix and explode. but in my owls, i think i'm gonna try hard, please the folks for a little bit before something stupid just happens to bump into me.

girls. cool. i like girls. they're fun. but they can be annoying sometimes. they're all like - i want a commitment! you're a teenager, you dont need one! then i met ash. big change. i got all friendly and stayed all friendly. now we're best friends. have been for a while. its strange. shes all ranga and stuff. it's awesome. and she can change. that's awesome. red hair to purple, purple to blue ect. she can change most stuff about her appearance, but mainly hair. i don't like people being slack to my friends. it hurts man. nah, its just akward when they ask for my opinion.

overall...im freaking awesome.

YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A WAND. WHAT'S IT LIKE ?

"birch, twelve inches with hippogriff feather, reasonably flexible. i blew up half the shop before i found it. good times..."

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR LOOKS ?

"well...im thin, but i have muscles and i'm pretty strong. ive always got cuts somewhere. right now ive got a massive burn on my leg from a motorbike (muggle broom). and i wasnt even riding it. so i cant wear anything above knee length 'cause my legs are trashed. ive got freckles, mostly on my face, and large-ish brown eyes. my nose is too big for my face, and my lips are too baby-ish. but i guess it works on me.

people say ive always got a cheeky look on my face, which is true. my face is really boy-ish. sometimes when im walking along, people call out my name and i ask them how they knew it was me. they say i walk funny. my posture is slouchy and i tend to throw things up in the air, or spit. i've got really big feet, too. i like wearing skinny jeans - muggles come up with the best clothes. my hands and most of my clothes are covered in ink. i have tons of shoes and not many shirts. my collection of pens, ink and spray paint grows every second.. "

LET'S TALK ROOTS. WHAT'S YOUR FAMILY LIKE ?

"one sister, amelia, who is in her seventh year and my two parents. katherine and larry (larry...haha)"

WHERE ARE YOU FROM, BY THE WAY ?

"i was born in london in a big-ish house. my sister was one year old, and we were pretty rich. dad didn't exactly agree with muggle ways, but mum adored them. she studied them, and insisted that we were raised like muggle children (going to muggle schools, in muggle cars, ect.) the house used to be owned by muggles, so it was filled with electricity and microwaves (they're really cool). my sister started school at five, came back in the afternoon and said that the teachers said she had 'a great imagination, with that little stick of hers'. from then on, we weren't allowed to touch our parents wands.

when i was five, i went to school. i was a good boy, smiling and laughing, nothing too bad. but i was really aching to do magic. when i was seven it started to kick in, too, and i was pulled of of muggle schools, but my sister was eight when hers started, so she had to endure more muggles than me. i got a toy broom...and stuff happened. but it was when i rode on the broom for the first time i realised how cool it was to break the rules (dads broom was off limits). from then on, i was zane the daredevil.

i started at hogwarts at the usual age, and was ok with grades. when i met ash they sloped a bit more, we were passing charmed notes too much to listen. i didnt start going out with girls till about...my fourth year, i think. from then on, my life has been so freaking awesome it isn't funny. "

THE DEMENTORS ARE HERE. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ?

"hmm...when i was five. i was riding this old broom my dad gave me and i was holding my dads wand and zooming around. i fell ofs the broom and stabbed myself in the eye with his wand. all i remember is seeing the strange splotches, and feeling the blood ooze into my eyes. its the most terrible thing to feel ever. *shivers*"

IMAGINE YOU'RE CASTING A PATRONUS. WHAT ARE YOU REMEMBERING ?

"ah...memorys. i think it was the time when i met ash. in the forbidden forest. i was wondering around, and see someone. i, natrually, throw a snowball at them...it ended with me in a full-body-lock, ash in a leg-locker curse and her forgetting the counter curse. great times. hilarious, until the hypothermia set in. "

WHAT IS YOUR PATRONUS, ANYWAY ?

"a huge wolf with oversized paws and massive eyes and gigantic teeth. it's awesome."

okay, that's all for now. have a great time at hogwarts, and make sure to read my monthly gossip column! but remember, i'm always watching.

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HI, I'M SQUID AND I'M VERY, VERY OLD.
I'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR A WHILE AND I AIN'T
QUITTING ANYTIME SOON. IF YOU NEED TO CONTACT ME,
DONT BOTHER COS ILL NEVER ANSWER!.
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